Here's The Beef

As everyone knows, it is St. Patrick's Day. As everyone knows, on St. Patrick's Day, it is traditional to eat corned beef and cabbage. As not all may know, though Sarah and I have gained moderate renown for our pioneering corned beef chili recipe, I have never before attempted to make corned beef and cabbage. I did so last night.

This was a serving of the result, which I ate about a half hour ago:



I don't know how well you can see the different ingredients, but this, I presume - never having made corned beef and cabbage before - is not a strictly traditional assemblage. It contains about a pound or pound and a half or corned beef (left over from previous chili) and about 3/4 of a medium head of cabbage (I used some before in a stir fry) and:

• 1 small onion (sliced)


• 6 or so ounces of sliced mushrooms


• 1/2 small can of butterbeans


• a handful of raisins


• small amount of chopped garlic, 2 small bay leaves, a pinch of red pepper flakes, and seasoning packet that came with meat


• water to cover, plus a little apple cider vinegar

After letting the meat defrost in the fridge for a day and then out of the fridge for an hour to get it to room temperature, I seared it on all sides on the stove (left whole), 2 minutes or more per side, until nicely browned. In the meantime, I chopped the cabbage roughly, sliced the onions and mushrooms, and created a thin layer of a mixture of those on the bottom of the crock pot. Then deglazed the pan off the heat with vinegar, scraping up the "fond." On top of the veggies I lay the seared meat, scattering additional veggies around it and poured on the pan liquid. Then the beans mostly on top and the raisins scattered in, then a scattering of the seasonings, tucking the bay leaves into the veggies. Cold water to cover, plus a little more vinegar. Heat on high.

I left the crock on high for about 4 hours while I was awake, turning to low overnight. When I awoke this morning, the apartment was rank with cabbage smell. Attempting to flee the odor, I hopped into the shower. However, I am now fully convinced that the vent fan over the stove merely empties through a shared duct into the bathroom (the possibility of which I had heretofore pondered), opening a freeway for the stench to follow me into the lavatory, and thus creating in the steamy and enclosed shower an unpleasant phenomenon which I have disdainfully coined an "Irish Sauna."

I was afraid that all three layers of my tri-shade green fashion ensemble would be dank with the scent. Luckily, it was not that bad. I was also surprised to discover that the meat was still fairly tough. I left the heat on low while I went to work, turning the meat over to evenly braise top and bottom. When I returned, the pungency of the cabbage confirmed yet another fact about the air-flow mechanics of the apartment - that the back door is very drafty or at least permeable. This reality became clear to me about halfway up the four-step patio, when I suddenly found myself awash in the same thick stain that had befouled my olfactory sense 9 hours previous.

But the biggest surprise was that it actually tasted pretty good. The meat appeared to have shrunk considerably, leeching much of its salty volume into the broth. The beef was extremely tender. The vegetables were mushy but flavorful. And luckily, today's temperature reached about 70 degrees, allowing me to comfortably air out the apartment by opening all of its windows. After about an hour, the smell seemed mostly to have evaporated. Either that, or my sensory perception has been severely damaged.

In all, a pretty good first effort.